Holding On And Letting Go
by xEspeciallyNow
Summary: Follow the New Directions as they go through everything life throws at them. Some are not being true to who they are and others are pretending that they're fine when in reality they aren't. Starts in 'Duets' and will carry on up the end of season 3.
1. Duets

AN; So I wasn't very happy with the way the writers dealt with Santana's coming out story, it felt like it was done over one/two episodes and that's it. So I'm attempting to write it my way. This fanfic will start in ''Duets'' and will somewhat follow the plot but will also have major changes because of how I dislike how it was written and handled. I could write a rant here about it but I won't, if you want to have a ''ranty'' conversation about it feel free to PM me. The only thing that I did think was good about it was Naya Rivera's acting, she's amazing.

2:04; Duets

''Oh please sing a duet with me'' a blonde begged her friend. The two girls were sat in the choir room with their other friends discussing who would be singing with whom for the weeks assignment.

Santana looked over to Brittany and noticed that she was giving her the ''puppy dog eyes'' she knew that Santana couldn't say no to her when she did it and often used it to her advantage. ''Okay'' the Latina said giving in to her friend, her facial expression slowly turning from a scowl into a giggle.

''I want your song to be inspirational, you'll need to do a bit of research and you'll be performing it on Friday. You'll need to meet up outside of Glee club and because all of you like a competition, the winners will win dinner at Breadsticks!'' Mr Schue said handing the club members a song book, ''take a look at these and see if there's anything you want to sing''

Santana took the book from Mr Schue and started to look through pretending that she was interested in looking for a song to sing when in fact she wasn't.

''Are you okay?'' Brittany asked.

Santana nodded and carried on pretending to look like she was finding a song.

''Mr Schue'' Rachel begun as he handed her a book, ''I know Sectionals is a couple of weeks away but I have been thinking of a song to sing for my solo. I thought that we could open with my rendition of I'm not that girl from the legendary Broadway musical Wicked and then Finn and I shall sing….''

''Hang on, who said you're getting all the solos? You're not the only talented person in the group'' Mercedes said trying to prove a point, her voice getting louder and louder causing everyone to look over at them.

''Preach'' Artie shouted causing him to get death stares from both Rachel and Finn.

''I've already decided on who gets the solos for sectionals'' he said trying to calm everyone down.

''Please will you tell me what song I'll be singing now, I need this performance to be perfect, of course I can get told the song the day before and perform it perfectly but this is really important, rumour has it on the Ohio Glee Club forum that this year's Nationals will be held in New York. New York, birth place of my idol Barbra Streisand.'' Rachel said getting excited.

''If someone doesn't shut her up I'm about to go all Lima Heights'' Santana said starting to lose her patience with Rachel and her selfishness.

''I'm sorry but you won't be getting a solo this time Rachel.'' He explained causing Rachel's smile to slowly fade. ''Instead this year I thought we could give the solo to Miss Tina Cohen-Chang…'' he didn't get chance to finish his sentence before Rachel started to disagree with his decision and tried to persuade him to change his mind. ''As much as I think Tina has a wonderful voice I do believe that it isn't solo material and that it won't get us to Nationals'' she said storming out of the room in protest, Finn following her sheepishly.

Rachel was stood at her locker, removing books one by one and carefully placing them in her bag making sure the corners wouldn't turn up. Finn slowly walked over to her.

''Rachel, are you okay?'' he asked wondering if that was the right question to ask.

''Of course I'm not Finn. I haven't got a solo. Glee club is my life, without it I'm nothing. I need these solos to get into NYADA.'' She sobbed, putting her head on his chest.

''There's always Nationals'' he replied optimistically causing her to pull away.

''I don't care about Nationals right now…'' She said angrily, Finn wanted to say something but he knew not to talk over Rachel when she was upset, '' I need both solos so they can go on my application. It would be nice if my boyfriend understood why this was so important for me and stood up for me when no one else did''

''I'll start doing that. I know I haven't been the most supportive boyfriend ever and I will change that''

''I don't need your support'' she yelled.

''But you said you did'' Finn said confused.

''What I need is a solo, what I need is to get into NYADA, what I also need is to be left alone'' Rachel said talking quieter and quieter as she spoke but still loud enough so that Finn could hear.

''Fine'' Finn said walking away; there was only so much of Rachel's complaining he could take before he cracked.

''Wait'' she called back after him, ''I know being in a relationship with a high maintenance girl like myself is difficult but please don't leave now, I need you.''

He slowly turned around, ''I thought what you needed was to be left alone''

''I didn't mean that, I'm just stressed'' she said apologetically.

''We're all stressed, but to me it seems like Glee club is more important than your relationship with me''

''I love you'' she said slowly pressing her lips against his. He wanted her to stop but it made him realise the many reasons why he loved her. It reminded him of the first kiss they shared in the auditorium last year.

She slowly pulled away, ''you had your eyes closed'' she said as she opened hers. His eyes slowly opened and met with hers, the sound of music came from the choir room but they couldn't hear anything. It's like they were the only one on the corridor when they weren't. It's like they were meeting for the first time all over again. They were on the exact same corridor as they were stood on now, Finn was walking past with Puck and other members of the football team, Rachel was stood hurrying to class scared that she was going to be late and that's when their paths crossed. They shared a very intimate look as they walked past each other; it was like time had slowed down and then they carried on walking in different directions, both looking back and neither able to take their eyes off the other.

''Yes'' he replied, ''I was thinking about the time when we first met''

She started to smile, ''that was the best day of my life''

He picked her hand up and placed it in his, ''there's still 10 minutes left of Glee club if you want to go back in'' he said hoping she'd say yes so he could go back in and see their friends.

''I like it when we make out'' Brittany said laid on the bed, her friend laid next to her,

''look'' the Latina said defensively, ''I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you, I'm doing it because there's no one else, now that Puck's with the endangered white rhino he's refusing to do it and someone needed to take his place. You know I'm like a lizard, I need something warm beneath me or I can't digest my food.''

Santana moved her way to the edge of the bed and started to put her fingers through her auburn hair before putting it in a ponytail, Brittany still laid on the bed the corners of her mouth slightly turned downwards. The room was silent; neither knowing what to say to the other. The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife, neither able to look at each other.

''But I thought you liked it'' Brittany said breaking the awkward silence.

''Well you thought wrong. Why would I like it?'' Santana replied not really wanting an answer to the question, ''I'm not a lesbian''

''Because you say you do and you always want to…'' She began but was unable to finish the sentence as Santana butted in, ''I think it's time I left'' she said getting up off the bed and walking towards the door,

''but we haven't decided on a song for our duet'' Brittany said hoping that she would decide to stay.

''Yeah about that I don't think I want to do a duet with you'' she said walking out of the room leaving Brittany on the bed. Santana stood outside Brittany's bedroom, her head carefully rested on the door; she could hear Brittany talking to Lord Tubbington. No one understood Brittany like Santana and vice versa, they were inseparable and thought that nothing could ever come between them.

''Where's Santana?'' Quinn asked. The Glee club were sat waiting for Santana to arrive so they could start on their duets,

''she said she would be here'' Brittany said trying to forget about the argument they had two days ago. They hadn't spoken since then but she was certain that Santana wouldn't miss the duet assignment for anything.

''We can't wait any longer for her, sorry guys'' Mr Schue said hoping that they would all understand, ''Tina and Mike you're up first. Remember the winners get to go to Breadsticks for dinner''

Tina and Mike stood up holding hands and walked over to the centre of the choir room. Tina started to sing as the piano played in the background. Mike took hold of Tina's hand and started to dance with her. She had tears in her eyes and this was one of the happiest moments of her life.

Artie looked over at the two of them dancing, he was jealous; it should have been him singing with her, he wished that he could dance like Mike but instead he was stuck in the wheelchair, he wished he could be up there with her but most of all he wished that it was him that had her heart.

Quinn, with a little help from everything that had happened the year before realised she wasn't quite the romantic she thought she was so the duet was causing her to feeling nauseas. The way the two of them pranced around the choir room made her want to walk out, she had nothing against people been in love but they didn't need to let everyone know all the time. She believed that love is between two people not twenty two so they needn't have to sing a love song to show how much they mean to each other every time Tina got the chance to sing. She looked over at Artie and could see the pain in his eyes, she knew this pain too well and how inside he felt like he was dying, she felt the exact same last year with every nauseating duet Finn and Rachel had sung together. She smiled weakly at him, he smiled back but she didn't buy that fake smile, she'd used it too many times herself and she could see right through it. She realised that they might not be as different as she thought; of course there were the obvious, she was female, he was male, she could walk but he was in a wheelchair but despite all that they were both feeling the same pain. She never really had gotten over Finn and now that he and Rachel had started dating plus the pain of giving Beth up for adoption she was an emotional wreck, not that anyone knew, she kept that to herself. Both had decided that the duet competition wasn't for them as the only people that they wanted to be paired with had already picked someone else to sing with.

When the song was finished they both sat down next to each other rubbing noses and laughing. No one was enjoying their display of public affection.

''Guys'' Mr Schue said reminding them where they were. They suddenly stopped and looked a little embarrassed.

'' Mercedes and Sunshine you're up next'' Mr Schue told them pointing to the centre of the choir room. They were singing Dreamgirls from the movie Dreamgirls. Everyone in the room was silent as they sang, and as they finished everyone clapped. Rachel knew her duet with Finn would have to be perfect otherwise they had no chance of winning, if they lost Rachel would never live it down, it would be brought up in every argument about who got a solo for sectionals.

Soon everyone had sung their duets and it was time to announce the winner of the dinner to Breadsticks, Tina and Mike had their fingers crossed while Mercedes was saying how sure she was that they had won, Finn and Rachel were sat hoping that they had won but both doubted they hadn't while everyone else was still sat down not really caring who won and who didn't.

''I'm a little disappointed that not more people wanted to take part in the assignment but I guess it's your choice. The winners are… Mercedes and Sunshine!'' he announced, ''hope you both enjoy your dinner at breadsticks''

Mercedes and Sunshine high fived while Tina began to cry, Rachel didn't seem to happy either, she really wanted to go Breadsticks with Finn, of course they had been before but this time it would be different as they had earned it.

''Well done everyone'' Mr Schue said congratulating everyone that had taken part, ''you can go now''

The Glee Club members left the school just as the early March sun set behind the clouds.

AN; I hope you like the first chapter. Very different from RIB's version of ''Duets'' (in my opinion) if you don't like my version let me know and if you did please let me know what you like… Oh and I'm also looking for a 'beta' so if anyone wants to be one please either PM me or leave a review telling me you want to be. I read through this chapter myself so I'm sorry if I've missed bits out and if characters are slightly OOC I tried my best but sometimes you need someone else to read your work to pick up on the bits that you missed. I also want to say sorry for any Britishisms that may have popped up, I tried to Americanise everything but it's not the easiest of things to do!

So if you haven't already realised (which I'm hoping you have) Puck is now with Lauren (I know they didn't start dating till later on but still this is my version) Sam hasn't started at McKinley yet, Kurt has already transferred to Dalton and Brittany hasn't confessed her feelings to Artie and Sunshine is still with the New Directions, Rachel still sent her to the crack house but Mercedes persuaded her to stay and those two formed a friendship. I think that's all the important stuff that has changed.

Reviews would be appreciated.


	2. Grease Lightning Part 1

AN; As much as I appreciate all the favourites that I keep getting I would also love to hear what you think! So please review…

….

2:05; Greased Lightning 

''Right guys'' Mr Schue said walking over to where the Glee club were sat, ''Principal Figgins put me in charge of this year's school musical and I thought it would be a good idea if we did Grease. We'll be holding auditions for all the parts this week so I thought it would be a good idea if we sang a song in assembly to promote the show. I know Principal Figgins isn't very keen on us singing at assemblies but it's for a good cause.''

The Glee club started having their own conversations while Mr Schue went to back to his Spanish classroom to get the lyrics he had printed out earlier but had been in such a rush to leave so he wouldn't be late for Glee club that he left them on his desk.''I'm definitely auditioning for Sandy'' Mercedes said much to Rachel's annoyance.

''But Sandy's white'' Brittany replied stating the obvious.

''It doesn't matter'' Finn tried explaining, ''skin colour doesn't mean anything and plus I think you'd make an amazing Sandy Mercedes'' causing Rachel to glare at him.

''remember that conversation we had the other day?'' Rachel asked in her usual divalike manner, ''where I said I wanted a boyfriend that supported me''

Finn nodded, he had very quickly learnt not to interrupt Rachel when she was ranting, he also learnt how equally as important it was to listen when she was in one of those moods otherwise he would never hear the end of it. He loved Rachel but sometimes he wished that he didn't have such a high maintenance girlfriend and more of a laid back one, someone like Tina. Had he really just thought that, did Rachel realise that he was now looking over at Tina and not her. You would have thought that he learnt not to leer earlier last year when he was dating Quinn but couldn't help but glance over at Rachel.

''Finn'' she shouted, ''have you been listening to a word I said?''

''Yes'' Finn replied unsurely

''Where was I?'' Rachel asked quite unsure what she had just said, ''oh yes. I need someone that supports me so that I can become the star that I am destined to become. How do you expect me to believe in myself when you don't believe in me''

''I do believe in you'' he said.

''Oh please, will someone pass me some earplugs and a sick bucket'' Santana interrupted

''If you don't like what you're hearing you don't have to listen'' Rachel said defensively

''I can't help but hear your conversation, your voice sounds like someone is scratching their nails down a chalkboard and surprisingly I love hearing that compared to your whiney cat voice, oh I love Finn, oh I love Jesse, oh I love Finn'' Santana mocked.

''Yes I may have had a slight confusion regarding my feelings for a certain Jesse St James but my heart now belongs to Finn, and I'm one hundred percent sure that he feels the same way.''

''Is that why he was staring at female Chang over there the whole time you were talking to him'' Santana retorted

''That only highlights your own personal insecurities; you feel the need to bring down everyone else's relationships because you can't keep one. Finn said

''Listen Finnocence unless you want to end up in a wheelchair like stubbles I suggest you keep out of this one and let me and Yentl carry on.'' Santana said causing Artie to start listening to their conversation.

''You can't be mean to us anymore. You think that everyone likes you when in reality everyone thinks you're a bully'' Finn said standing up for himself.

Santana's eyes widened, she'd never seen this side to Finn and she definitely didn't like it, who did he think he was talking to her like that. Santana would normally have slashed him with her epigrammatic words but she was stunned silent.

Mr Schue walked back in and handed them a sheet each, ''we'll be singing We Go Together for the assembly'' he explained causing everyone but Rachel to groan. None of them liked performing in assembly's it was social suicide and often lead to them being pushed further and further down the popularity ladder.

''Mr Schue, as much as I would love to sing in the assembly I don't think I will be able to, I mean I'm now back at the top of the popularity ladder after 8 months of been at the bottom and singing will push me back down again'' She said causing all the Glee club to stop their own conversations.

''Once you join the club you have to be committed which right now you aren't being.'' Mr Schue said trying not to lose his temper.

''You're more worried about what people will think about you than having fun with the people that actually care about you, the ones that were there every step of the way with you last year but instead all you see us as is people to pick up the pieces when you screw everything up again.'' Rachel interrupted.

Quinn was silent not knowing what to say, everyone's eyes were on her, ''well at least I know how you all feel about me now'' she said standing up and walking out of the door.

''Quinn, wait, I didn't mean any of that'' Rachel called after her.

''Since it looks like we're now a member down, we're going to have to work very hard on the number for the assembly'' Mr Schue began, ''Rachel and Finn you'll be taking the parts of Danny and Sandy, Santana you'll be Rizzo and Puck you'll be Kenickie, right now let's go from the top''

…

''Quiet everyone'' Principal Figgins hushed, ''and now we're going to have a performance from the Glee Club''

Emma and Will clapped while the student body sat not really interested in what they were doing. The Glee club stood on the ''stage'' and started to dance around like they had seen them do in Grease.

''You suck'' one of the football players shouted.

Quinn was sat on the front row with all the other cheerleaders; them all laughing as Finn pranced around, but Quinn didn't laugh, she couldn't, all she could think about was that she could be with them, it didn't matter that the whole school was laughing and shouting stuff at them because when you're doing something that you enjoy you don't care what everyone else thinks. She couldn't forget about everything Rachel had said to her a number of days ago, she was right, not that she would ever let her know that because Rachel's head didn't need to be any bigger than it already was. She could see Rachel looking over at her and smiling, she wasn't sure if that was her way of saying or sorry but either way she smiled back.

…

The auditions for Grease had just started and Mr Schue was already regretting agreeing to take over the years school musical, he had seen numerous Lady GaGa wannabes audition, too many people that thought they could sing when really they sound like cats fighting with each other. He was about to give in when a boy aged 16 walked in. He had short blonde hair and a mouth that was unusually big.

''Hi I'm Sam, Sam I am and I don't like green eggs and ham'' he said causing himself to chuckle.

''Take it away'' Mr Schue replied not really knowing what to say after his introduction. He had expected Sam to be another terrible singer who thought he had what it took to be do arena tours all over the world and when he heard him sing he was pleasantly surprise, in fact it was quite the opposite of what he had imagined, something inside him knew that he had found Danny.

…

It was Monday morning, Mr Schue had walked into McKinley high school with the casting list for the schools musical Grease. A group theatre kids who looked like they hadn't slept since they had auditioned were anxiously waiting for it to be posted. He made his way through the busy halls of the school towards the notice board where he was met by numerous students who had auditioned, most he remembered for all the wrong reasons. He carefully pinned it up and quickly moved out of the way before he got ambushed.

''Good morning William'' He heard Sue shout out of her office as he walked past, ''I heard about the little innuendo that you're in charge of this year.'' He could hear something in the tone of her voice that he knew meant she was planning something.

''Yes'' he said not really wanting to start a conversation with Sue so early in the morning.

''These are children, don't you think they see enough of sexual scenes on those so called teen shows'' she said pretending that she cared about the kids that attended the school.

''We're cutting out all scenes of a sexual nature so everything will be fine'' he replied walking away

''I'm going to do all I can to stop this show from going ahead'' she called after him.

… to be continued

…

AN; Lost inspiration so… the next chapter will be part 2 and will be a week later than this one and will replace Never Been Kissed…


	3. Grease Lightning Part 2

''What part did you get?'' Tina asked eagerly as Mercedes walked through the door.

''Sandy'' she replied trying not to get too excited as she could feel Rachel's eyes glaring into her.

''Mr Schue'' Rachel began, ''as much as I think Mercedes would make an amazing Sandy I just don't think it's a good idea to have an ethnic girl playing Sandy. Sandy is Caucasian and should be played by someone with Caucasian descent, we want to keep Grease very similar to the musical and I think it would be confusing to have someone with a different race playing the main character.''

''No Rachel, you're wrong. It doesn't matter what skin colour or race you are if you're good enough to get the lead then you will.'' He said causing Rachel to go off in a huff.

Finn walked through the doors of the choir room singing to himself, all the other glee club members had already been sat down waiting for him to arrive. It was very unlike Finn to be late to a rehearsal but Rachel knew that he would have a good enough excuse. ''I got chills they're multiplying'' he sang.

''Finn you have the flu?'' Brittany asked slightly concerned.

Finn gave her a confused look, ''no I got the part of Danny''

Rachel ran up to him causing the other Glee club members to start their own conversations as they knew that the two were about to play tonsil tennis for the next 5 minutes.

As much as Mr Schue had liked Sam for the part of Danny he wasn't' sure if he would be committed enough for the main part and had instead given him the part of Kenickie as Puck hadn't auditioned for the school musical. He had considered it but that Grease wasn't as badass as he had hoped.

The rest of the Glee club rehearsal was focused around rehearsing the songs for the musical and since Puck wasn't a part he had decided he didn't want to sit around for half an hour watching his friends singing about falling in love over the summer especially when he could be watching the Cheerleader try outs; all of the girls in their skimpy tops which could be classed as a bra and in their skin tight shorts, of course he had a girlfriend but that doesn't mean he couldn't look right? He had every intention of going to sit on the field but something inside of him told him to take the long way, he usually didn't listen to what is heart was telling him and instead went with his brain which right now was telling him not go to the long way round, why waste time when he could be sitting and staring? But he didn't care this time, it's not like he'd never seen it before, every year he'd sat there and seem the same wannabes try out, hardly any of them were good enough for Coach Sylvester to allow them onto the squad. He was about to walk out of the door when he bumped into Quinn who walking out of the toilets. She had red eyes from crying and even though she had tried to cover them back up again with foundation you could still see them. She had this huge fake smile on her face which Puck had seen a hundred times and could see right through it. She had never been one to discuss how she felt and Puck would normally shy away from conversations like this but he knew she wasn't okay and that deep down she wanted to talk about how she felt but was too scared to let her walls down. The two of them hadn't spoken much since giving their Daughter Beth up for adoption and Puck thought a friendly smile would be better than saying nothing at all. He carried on walking but as he got to the end of the corridor something made him turn around, he couldn't quite pinpoint why it felt like this but he knew he had to go back and talk to her.

''Quinn, wait'' he shouted down the corridor hoping that she had heard. She stood still slowly turned around, tears in streaming down her face. He walked over to where she was stood and held her in his arms until she had stopped crying. Quinn didn't like crying in front of anyone but Puck was going through the same thing she was so for now he was an exception and plus he had caught her off guard.

…

The glee club had been practicing every night after school for their performance of Grease and tonight would be their first time performing it in front of an audience. Everyone apart from Rachel was nervous and had been stressing out all evening about forgetting lines but Rachel been her usual self was giving everyone a prep talk and telling them what to do if they forget a line, ''since I have been performing since I was 2 years old I think that I would be the best person to give you advice'' she begun causing every person around to her groan.

''Rachel, we don't need no prep talk'' Mercedes said hoping she wouldn't take it offensively as they didn't need unwanted tension on the stage when they were performing.

Mr Schue walked over to where the group were stood, ''we've worked so hard these past couple of weeks and I know you're going to be amazing tonight.''

They put their hands in the middle of the circle and then lifted them on the count of 3.

The curtains slowly opened and everyone were stood in their places waiting for the music to start. The warmth of the lights and the nerves were starting to make them sweat. They were stood for what felt like a life time, then the familiar Summer Loving tune started to play and everyone's nerves slowly began to fade.

…

''Well done guys'' Mr Schue said standing behind the curtain high fiving every person that walked past him, ''that was definitely the best musical this school has ever put on. Bring on tomorrow's performance''

The parents who had attended the show waited for their children behind the scenes hugging them when they walked over.

Soon everyone was going and Mr Schue waved goodbye before leaving the building for the night, it wouldn't be long and he would be back again.

…

AN; Long time no update, no idea when the next chapter will be uploaded as I have no ideas so… Review if you feel like it


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